A Gospel Confession for 2008

Or, why the description “The (2008) Confession of a materialistic, hypocritical, narcissistic, egotistical, proud, cynical, ignorant, lazy, apathetic, Pharisaic, rebellious, syncretistic, moralistic and addicted; sinner” doesn’t even begin to cover it.
In many ways, this year has been a painful year. I've been rejected by several women, I've been caught in sin, I've been almost kicked out of school, I’ve been dismissed as a musician and through it all I've proven myself a sinner over and over again. In many ways this year has taught me a lot about myself. I learned that I want a Godly wife, I learned that I'm capable of serious sin, I learned that I’m not the man I’m supposed to be, I even learned that I'm the most self-centered person I know.
As I contemplated this year and I relived the many painful moments of 2008, I began to see a cycle. I went through periods of great renewal, followed by painful crashes that left me feeling guilty, depressed and hopeless. I created alternative realities all around me, where I was the good-looking one, or where I was the talented one. As each cycle progressed, I saw my sin, the alternative realities I had created for myself, and I repented and turned toward a new path.
In many ways, this year has been a pendulum swing for me. I went from justifying myself through moralism, to taking journeys of “self discovery” in hopes of not needing to be justified . But no matter where I turned, my sin kept finding me out.
I tried making shortcuts for myself, and wound up in a meeting with the threat of being kicked out of school. I took a break from life for a semester, and ended up barely passing four classes. As I swung back and forth between the two poles of self justification, I kept seeing my own sin repeating itself. Through it all, I turned to many different forms of self-help, but I never turned to Christ.
As the most recent semester ended, I took some time to listen to some teaching by Tim Keller, out at Redeemer Church, NYC. His messages relating to Jesus and the gospel struck a chord in my life. The more I listened to Keller preach the gospel, the more I began to see myself in stories like the prodigal son. Which brings me back to that description of myself that doesn’t even begin to cover it. This year has taught me something invaluable. I’m a colossal screw-up. And before you tell me I’m “being too hard” on myself, I think it might be wise to point out that I would know.
But that’s not the point. Because as big a screw up as I am, there is a bigger solution to my life problems than anything I could ever attempt to do on my own. As Keller puts it, Jesus saves both self-righteous moralists, and self-discovering rebells, he died for both. And that means that screw-ups like me are given hope for the future. Because of Jesus, and what he did in dying for my sin and rising from the dead to give me new life, I don’t have to worry about being a screw-up, because there is nothing I have to do to be loved. And that’s why this is a Gospel confession, because the Gospel is the only hope I have for the future.