Wednesday, December 31, 2008

A Gospel Confession for 2008



Or, why the description “The (2008) Confession of a materialistic, hypocritical, narcissistic, egotistical, proud, cynical, ignorant, lazy, apathetic, Pharisaic, rebellious, syncretistic, moralistic and addicted; sinner” doesn’t even begin to cover it.
In many ways, this year has been a painful year. I've been rejected by several women, I've been caught in sin, I've been almost kicked out of school, I’ve been dismissed as a musician and through it all I've proven myself a sinner over and over again. In many ways this year has taught me a lot about myself. I learned that I want a Godly wife, I learned that I'm capable of serious sin, I learned that I’m not the man I’m supposed to be, I even learned that I'm the most self-centered person I know.
As I contemplated this year and I relived the many painful moments of 2008, I began to see a cycle. I went through periods of great renewal, followed by painful crashes that left me feeling guilty, depressed and hopeless. I created alternative realities all around me, where I was the good-looking one, or where I was the talented one. As each cycle progressed, I saw my sin, the alternative realities I had created for myself, and I repented and turned toward a new path.
In many ways, this year has been a pendulum swing for me. I went from justifying myself through moralism, to taking journeys of “self discovery” in hopes of not needing to be justified . But no matter where I turned, my sin kept finding me out.
I tried making shortcuts for myself, and wound up in a meeting with the threat of being kicked out of school. I took a break from life for a semester, and ended up barely passing four classes. As I swung back and forth between the two poles of self justification, I kept seeing my own sin repeating itself. Through it all, I turned to many different forms of self-help, but I never turned to Christ.
As the most recent semester ended, I took some time to listen to some teaching by Tim Keller, out at Redeemer Church, NYC. His messages relating to Jesus and the gospel struck a chord in my life. The more I listened to Keller preach the gospel, the more I began to see myself in stories like the prodigal son. Which brings me back to that description of myself that doesn’t even begin to cover it. This year has taught me something invaluable. I’m a colossal screw-up. And before you tell me I’m “being too hard” on myself, I think it might be wise to point out that I would know.
But that’s not the point. Because as big a screw up as I am, there is a bigger solution to my life problems than anything I could ever attempt to do on my own. As Keller puts it, Jesus saves both self-righteous moralists, and self-discovering rebells, he died for both. And that means that screw-ups like me are given hope for the future. Because of Jesus, and what he did in dying for my sin and rising from the dead to give me new life, I don’t have to worry about being a screw-up, because there is nothing I have to do to be loved. And that’s why this is a Gospel confession, because the Gospel is the only hope I have for the future.

5 comments:

Kirsi said...

hey tim,

thanks for writing and posting this. how awesome it is to see that no matter how grave our sin and how unfaithful and unworthy we are we have a God that passionately loves and pursues us. it's encouraging to see that you recognize this and want and try to live a life worthy of the gospel of our lord and savior jesus christ.


The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease.

Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.
I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!”

The Lord is good to those who depend on him, to those who search for him.

So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the Lord.

Lamentations 3:22-26

peace,
kirsi

Anonymous said...

Isn't it killer that He loves us regardless. Sometimes I think embracing this is the hardest part of the journey.

Anonymous said...

Feel ya brother! May you also discover faith in the Gospel, which also gives you victories too...

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Johnny T. Helms said...

Brother Timm,

One of the most important lessons I have learned as a Christian is that Jesus Christ is my consistency. I am inconsistent; He is not. And while He never gives us permission to sin, He has graciously made provision for our sins, all our sins.

"Nothing you can do can make Him love you more. Nothing you can do can make Him love you less."

In Christ and for His glory,

Johnny (on Twitter)

The Vision?

The vision is Jesus: obsessively, dangerously, undeniably Jesus.
The vision is an army of young people.
You see bones? They are an army.
And they are free from materialism. They laugh at the markets.
They hardly care! They wear clothes like costumes:
to show and to tell, but never to hide.
They know the meaning of the Matrix; the way the West was won.
They are mobile like the wind; they belong to the nations.
They need no passport.
People write their addresses in pencil and wonder at their strange existence.
They are free, yet they are slaves of the hurting and dirty and dying.

What is the vision?
The vision is holiness that hurts the eyes.
It makes children laugh and adults break and cry.
It scorns the good and strains for the best. It is dangerously pure.
This is an army that will lay down its life for the cause.
A million times a day its soldiers choose to lose that they might win, one day
the great "Well done" of faithful sons and daughters.
Such heroes are as radical on Monday morning as Sunday night.
They don't need fame from names. Instead they grin quietly upwards
and hear the crowds chanting again and again: "COME ON!"

And this is the sound of the underground
The whisper of history shaping
Foundations shaking
Revolutionaries dreaming once again
Mystery is screaming in whispers
Conspiracy is breathing...
This is the sound of the underground.

And the army is disciplined.
Young people who beat their bodies into submission.
Every soldier would take a bullet for his comrades at arms.
The tattoo on their backs boasts "For me to live is Christ and to die is gain."
Sacrifice fuels the fire of victory in their eyes.
Winners. Martyrs. Who can stop them?
Can failure succeed? Can fear scare them or death kill them?
And this generation prays like a dying man with groans beyond
talking, with warrior cries, sulphuric tears
Waiting. Watching: 24 - 7 - 365.
Whatever it takes they will give: Breaking the rules.
Shaking mediocrity from its cozy little hide.
Laying down their rights and their precious little wrongs,
laughing at labels, fasting essentials.

The advertisers cannot mold them.
Hollywood cannot hold them.
Peer-pressure is powerless
to shake their resolve
Material clothes matter not
Would they surrender their image or their popularity?
They would lay down their very lives,
swap seats with the man on death row;
guilty as hell.
A throne for an electric chair.
With blood and sweat and many tears,
with sleepless nights and fruitless days,
they pray as if it all depends on God
and live as if it all depends on them.


Their words make demons scream in shopping malls.
Don't you hear them coming?
Here come the frightened and forgotten, with fire in their eyes.
Their prayers summon the hounds of heaven and invoke the ancient dream of Eden.

And this is the sound of the underground
The whisper of history shaping
Foundations shaking
Revolutionaries dreaming once again
Mystery is screaming in whispers
Conspiracy is breathing...
This is the sound of the underground.